I spent two years in an unhealthy on and off again relationship. Most of year one was butterflies and excitement. Throughout that first year, there were many signs that I was living a fantasy. Friends and family would tell me what they were seeing but I didn’t listen. I thought I was madly in love with the “one” and everyone else was jealous of our love.
By the end of year one, I had spent over $250,000 in the name of “love.” I even went as far as buying a house in Medellin, Colombia. What’s worse is that I lost double that number by ignoring the speaking and consulting offers that I was getting. I didn’t want to travel because I couldn’t bare to be away from my “love.”
I ended the year broke–I spent so much money trying to buy her love. I was broken–I invested so much of myself into someone who didn’t feel the same about me. I was desperate–we broke up and I cried myself to sleep every night. I didn’t think there was any way I could live life without her.
After the breakup, I took some time to start working on myself. We would end up getting back together and breaking up about ten more times. Each time we broke up, I felt myself getting stronger as I started to understand self-love and becoming the best version of myself. The last breakup was it. She showed me who she really is and I finally believed her. I was done in my mind, body, and heart.
I write these words to you as a healed man. It took time and doing the inner work. It took getting counseling and getting real with those who love me. But, I came to understand that what I felt and had with her was not love. It was a strong (and unhealthy) infatuation.
I don’t blame her for the things that happened because it was me. I made those decisions and took those actions. I take responsibility for my part. I moved on. I’m now in a place of fully loving Kimanzi and realizing that I am enough all by myself. I’m now ready to receive the real thing when it finds me. I won’t force it.
If you are reading this and can relate, I want you to realize two things. 1. WAKE UP! I know you’re not ready to leave just yet, so I ask you to wake up and admit the truth to yourself. That’s the first step to making the hard choices and doing what you know deep down inside must be done. 2. Understand that true love builds you up, it doesn’t tear you down. If your relationship is pushing you farther away from your goals and dreams, something is wrong. True love supports you becoming the best version of yourself.
Once I let go of this relationship, my life changed drastically. I felt a weight being lifted off of me and I could see things so clearly. It allowed me to start doing the work. That work has led to losing over 140 pounds, growing my business to the best that it ever has been, traveling to 37 countries this year for consulting gigs, becoming closer to my kids, and so many more things.
The love stuff can be hard if you let it. Don’t. You deserve someone who truly loves you and wants to build an empire with you. Put yourself in the best place by becoming the best version of yourself. Once you’re there, that person will have the space to come into your life.
Life is too short to settle.