6 Things I Wish I Didn’t Struggle With, But Do

I’ve had a lot of cool wins this year. After the disaster that was last year, the hard work that I’ve put in these last six years is paying off in a bigger way. I’ve lost 93 pounds after a diabetes diagnosis scare. I get to wake up and do whatever I want—work wise—in the places that I love. I’ll travel to 32 amazing countries this year for consulting gigs. My business has done well financially and my relationship with my children is amazing. I have complete freedom in my work, health, and relationships.

Life should be smooth sailing. Right?

You and I aren’t always together. What we see of each other is through this blog, podcasts interviews, videos, and social media. You get a tiny glimpse into my life, and I get a tiny glimpse into yours. During all that time that we’re not together, a whole lot is going on behind the scenes.

I try to be as honest as possible with what I share publicly, but I’m human. There are things that I’m ashamed and embarrassed to admit. I want you to see me as this super cool, take-on-the-world-without-blinking type of guy. I’m not. There are many things that I struggle with but wish I didn’t. Here are six major ones.

1. Envy of other’s success

I’ve had some cool wins, which should make me cheer for joy when I see others also experiencing success. Sometimes I do, but too often, I don’t. I get all kinds of crazy thoughts running through my mind.

I wonder what they did. I wonder why more people didn’t “like” my status update or retweet when I shared my good news? I think twice before liking or sharing their win because “I don’t remember them liking or sharing mine.” I basically act like a teenager all over again. Grow up, KIMANZI!

Envy will lay evil roots in your mind and heart. Life would be wonderful if more cool things happened to us, but sometimes it takes a while. Don’t give into envy. Don’t get discouraged or give up. Cheer for your fellow human because life is hard for all of us.

2. A short temper

Hawaii is a pretty cool place to call “home.” I lived there for two years. Learning how to relax is a requirement to move there. I learned how to live a simple and laid-back lifestyle, but I still give into to fits of anger. I yell at times, I pout, and I walk out of rooms. I have temporary moments of insanity where I forget how blessed I am. During those times when you want to give into your raw emotions, don’t. Take a second to breathe deeply and smile. You’re alive! What you’re experiencing will pass. All you’ll be left with are the consequences of your actions. Make sure you think things through.

3. A lack of impulse control

I want what I want, and I want it RIGHT now (I told you before I act like a teenager). I see cool new technology and I want to buy it. I smell delicious food and I buy it and eat it NOW. I get an email about book deals and before I know it, my Kindle is FULL! It’s harder to wait, but if we always got what we wanted–when we wanted it–life would fall apart for us. We would walk around like spoiled children. It takes time but you and I can exercise impulse control. Well, most of the time. Our goal shouldn’t be perfection,–just small daily victories. 

4. Lingering self-limiting beliefs 

Despite the success, I still struggle with feeling like a homeless high school dropout. The ties to my old life still linger and the haters are quick to point out where I came from. Every day, I battle self-limiting beliefs, and too often they win. I’m getting better and I believe in what I’m doing, so I press forward.

Self-limiting beliefs are something we all struggle with. They’re always there in the back of our mind trying to convince us to stay complacent. Life is too short to give in. Talk it out with someone supportive and chase your dreams anyways.

5. Not being fully present enough

I missed a lot of my family’s life while I was making big changes in my life. I told myself it was a necessary sacrifice, but I could have done better. What’s worse were the times I was physically there but not. I was in another world in my mind. It’s taken awhile, but I work hard to be fully present in each moment.

Our loved ones deserve all of us, not just what’s left after the world has gotten all of our attention. We have to be there in every way possible. We have to listen and understand. We have to focus and tune out the distractions. We have to, as much as possible, live fully present and cherish each moment.

6. A lack of focus

Making a living online and all over the world is hard. Maintaining weight loss is harder. Not fighting with people every day seems impossible at times—mostly because of me. I get easily distracted and lose focus on the things that I should be doing to grow.

There are too many ways to become successful. Information overload should come with instructions on WebMD. To make progress, you have to learn to focus on what’s important to YOU right now. Not copying someone else.

I’m not perfect and neither is anyone else, but that’s OK. We have to do our best, and constantly work on improving our work, health, and relationships. I’m making an effort to be really honest about what’s going on. The good and the bad. I hope it helps.

What are some of your struggles?

Photo Credit: Flickr/ Jenny Kaczorowski

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16 comments on “6 Things I Wish I Didn’t Struggle With, But Do
  1. Anthony says:

    Hi Kimanzi,

    Thank you for showing another ‘tiny glimpse’ of your life. Of course you have doubts. Notwithstanding them, you’ve managed to consistently write in that ‘take-on-the-world-without-blinking’ attitude you aspire to. And I’m always grateful for your perspective.

    It’s all too easy to be envious of others. Society’s norms have whipped us well. Having position or ‘stuff’ or adulation – usually because of position or stuff! – equates success, oh yea, thus we crave the things we don’t yet have. And yet, you’ve managed to move past that and focus more completely on your own path, encouraging others to do likewise. Your results show what happens when we do …

    You’ve attained good self awareness, Z, enough to reflect with a good deal of objectivity about how things ‘really are’, and share those insights. This is so much more useful than the attitude of a generic back-slapper who preaches mindlessly the importance of being positive. I like the way you give constant reflection and examples of how things went well for you – and sometimes didn’t.

    My biggest challenge might well be finding a large enough piece of paper to list them all. But the ones you ended with: lack of focus, and not being present, are two challenges that trip me up regularly. I’ve found that maintaining focus is easier when I have action to take that aligns with my values; I’m more motivated to act in the now, less distracted by future possibilities which would otherwise steal away my focus.

    Anthony

    • kconstable29@gmail.com says:

      I LOVE this, Ant. Thank you for opening up and honestly sharing your mind. It was beautiful 🙂

  2. Jared says:

    It’s been amazing to be connected to you and see the “wins” you’ve achieved this year.

    Hearing where you came from and watching your journey makes me root for you.

    I’ve struggled with “I’ll get it done tomorrow” a lot. Usually for the most important things.

    Now when my mind says that I know that instead it’s the one thing I should focus on today.

    Also, until recently, I put a lot of responsibility for potential success on outside factors. Referrals, JV deals, economy.. if all those line up I’ll hit my goals.

    Recently I changed this by giving myself a big goal and 100 days to hit a recurring revenue target.. the deadline is August 7th and I’m crushing it. I will likely pass that goal.

    Thank you for your continued inspiration in everything you do!

    • kconstable29@gmail.com says:

      I’m super glad we’re connected 🙂 I like the idea of smaller goals and I’m experimenting with them myself.

  3. Love you Kimanzi. Honest about the good and the not so in your life and business. So many folks are so busy curating their ‘so called wonderful life’ and only sharing the photo shopped, kodak moments….. You share great content all the time. Glad to know you. Thank you!

    • kconstable29@gmail.com says:

      Your friendship means so much to me 🙂 Keep inspiring and changing lives.

  4. Wow Kimanzi! What a beautiful post. I struggle with ALL of the things you mentioned. Dude, I am envious of you, but also incredibly inspired. I’ve been working for the past two years during my transition from creating and running a highly successful company, to selling it and having no job. I thought the shift would be easy, but it hasn’t been. I thought translating my success in business to success as a coach would be easier. It’s breathtakingly difficult and much more expensive than I expected.

    The 100% focus I need to maintain to build my new business bleeds through to my personal life. My daughter is a Type One diabetic. I understand your struggles because I’ve watched her live with the disease, powerless to heal her. I have another daughter who struggles with mental illness. It’s led to some serious self-limiting beliefs regarding motherhood and my ego. So I tend to focus on things I have the perception I can control. It’s the topic in my current 3-part blog series.

    Lack of impulse control…YES, but I’m much better than I used to be. I’ve made progress in this area of my life as I focus more on what I can give back. Maintaining an active prayer life and devotion to God has right-sized me. Sixteen years and counting in a 12-step group to deal with one of my demons has stretched and changed me in so many ways. However, when I see some cool new technology, I ALWAYS want to buy it!

    My focus has gotten better since I stopped trying to do everything. I don’t understand digital media at all, haven’t wrapped myself around creating a podcast and metrics????? But I do know how to create and build a $1 million company. So I’m staying focused on marketing what I do well while learning more about things I want to incorporate into my work.

    I’d like to add one more thing I struggle with. F.E.A.R. I’m fearful of never making it as a coach and author, of my husband’s upcoming Army deployment to the Middle East, of not getting into your class because I just KNOW I’m going to miss something I really need. Fear leads to those lingering self-limiting beliefs. It’s a vicious cycle.

    I know how you feel when no one replies to your blog posts. No one replies to mine either. I’m not sure anyone even reads them. When I was in the midst of serious grief over selling my company, I stopped writing for a while. But I’ve recommitted to doing them even if I’m the only one who cares, because it’s part of the foundation I’m building. It’s my practice.

    In the past two years, I’ve done some amazing things, like author a book. And my list continues to grow, both with my accomplishments and my goals. I admire people who gut it out and share the messy parts of their lives. We rarely see the failures, only the success of others, especially online. What are mere glimpses become entire realities by which we judge ourselves and each other.

    Thank you for the post. It is obviously thought-provoking. Good luck with your many adventures and congratulations on the hard work you put in to get there. I’m off to write my own blog post. Have an extraordinary day!

    • kconstable29@gmail.com says:

      WOW! Thank you so much for the amazing honesty you shared here. I’m blown away. I’m VERY glad our paths crossed and that we can learn from each other.

  5. Dr. Rob Garcia says:

    Very well written Kimanzi, really enjoyed your live feed yesterday as well.

    My family is full of drug addicts and convicts. I failed out of high school, then two colleges and let my learning disability be used as an excuse to barely get by in life.

    Despite turning things around, getting a Doctorate in Education and completely changing the art of speed learning, I still feel like that dumb poor kid in a logging town sometimes and fear that I’ll never know true success and make the impact that I yearn for.

    • kconstable29@gmail.com says:

      You are doing AMAZING work! You inspire me every day. Keep it up, brother 🙂

  6. Kathleen says:

    Hi Kimanzi- Refreshing honesty..we are all on a path to higher emotional intelligence and self awareness is the key and you have it!

    I just finished a self-published book “simple.transparent.uncluttered.” available on Amazon (shameless plug!) that shares three strategies to adopt for effective leadership, not only in work but our personal lives. It shares my corporate stories about some of the topics of being present and envy of others along with stories on ethics and inclusion.

    I wrote that book because I’m still on the path you are. The biggest challenge for me is a lack of focus. I teeter on reengaging in a daily corporate life or keeping my life simple and flexible. I love the business game but also the independence of working on what I want, when I want. I still feel a little out of alignment of what I’m supposed to do.

    I’m staying true to myself and thank you for the transparency!

    • kconstable29@gmail.com says:

      DON’T give up! Stay on that path and make your dreams your reality. I got your back 🙂

  7. Great post, Kimanzi!

    A lot of your struggles are shared struggles and btw kids are smart enough to know what focused quality time looks like, right?

    Thanks for sharing because this is the “Un-Sexy” truth about the “industry” and most won’t appreciate knowing but this is why we all need to know we’re not alone in those struggles.

    I’ve learned to stay true to those that matter most and eventually life evolves into a fulfilling lifestyle.

    Peace,
    Vidal Cisneros Jr.

    • kconstable29@gmail.com says:

      Being real and staying true is super important! Thanks for sharing, brother 🙂

  8. Sean McCool says:

    Brother,

    I could repost this as my own daily battle. Listen, I’ve been behind closed doors of some high end mastermind groups and we ALL share these 6 things in one way or another…. and more.

    Thanks for saying what we all are feeling.

    • kconstable29@gmail.com says:

      That’s comforting to hear 🙂 Thanks for your friendship!

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